Down with pretense in bed: do not imitate an orgasm

Over and over again, emitting mock passionate moans, we create a vicious circle. We are afraid to admit that it was not at all as good as we showed. And the next time we get it again not what we want. What to do? The psychologist explains.

Sarah, 32 years old: “When Damian and I began to meet, we walked a lot at the parties and drank. I did not have an orgasm in feeding, so I usually pretended to. When we got married, I stopped pretending, but I never told what I did before.

And now, if in five minutes I do not reach orgasm, he cannot understand what’s the matter. He married a hot little thing, greedy for sex. But usually I lied. I wanted a satisfactory life with my husband. How can I now be, whether to tell the truth?”

Why are we pretending?

It is not news that women often lie about the pleasure that they receive (or do not receive). In those days when sex was needed exclusively for a man’s pleasure and was charged with a married duty, she often simulated an orgasm, so that she would finish it all as soon as possible. But why and today, already in a free society, women continue to play this game?

It could be expected that the development

of sexual freedom will contribute to the development of sexual honesty. But no. Today, the female orgasm serves as a confirmation of male sexual viability, so that women have a new reason to pretend. Her pleasure became proof of the masculinity of the partner and his skill in love.

What is the harm of mock orgasm?

Such “orgasm” is a consequence of the continuing development of relations between the sexes, the traditional structures of power, poor sexual education, myths and stereotypes about sexual behavior.

Orgasm is important – since it indicates that the work is done. But this is not just the highest point – it is complete bodily pleasure, and not a single event. No one wins if partners lie about what they need, what they want, what they like and dislike. The result of this behavior is unsatisfactory (in fact for both) sexual experience.

What is not so? It is clear that the woman is not satisfied, but it is lying to protect his “I” from violation of the status. The man is not able to find out that she is not satisfied, so there is no conversation about how to give her pleasure.

She thinks that with the help of this lies it protects it, but as a result only misses the opportunity to enlighten it and is disappointed. If you know such a situation, you can take a few steps to more mature sexual communication.

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